A few days ago, I woke up in the morning to my four-year-old walking into my room and yelling, “Mom! There’s poop!”
Instantly, I’m PISSED. So in my demon voice, I said, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE’S POOP???”
As it turned out, my dog had pooped on her dog bed. WHAT DOG CRAPS ON THEIR OWN BED? Isn’t that breaking a rule somewhere in the Doggy Handbook? Dog Commandments 101: Thou Shalt Not Poop Where You Sleep??
I don’t get this damn dog. All I know is that she craps in my house all the time and she’s five years old now, so I pretty much have no hope that it is going to get better. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, or so the saying goes.
I have four children who I also wipe butts for, so I’d better just get on board with this whole poop thing, apparently.
The part that made it worse though, was that it was NOT FRESH. As in, who knows how long it had been there.
How is this now my life? Am I just so surrounded by poop between my dogs and my kids that I no longer have the ability to detect its stench in my own bedroom? This was seriously a flattened cow pie. So not only did my dog crap on her bed, she then laid upon it.
So I guess, if we’re classifying the “World’s Worst Poop Cleanups” this wasn’t it. But still. It was traumatizing, nonetheless.
So after starting my day by cleaning up dog shit, I then went on to change two poopy diapers, all by 7 am.
Are you exhausted yet? Because I am.
Next, after feeding the baby and the older kids their breakfast, I filled out about 50 pages of paperwork for my son’s school registration (I’m actually surprised they didn’t ask for a DNA sample, seriously).
I then made a rookie move and left the papers within my 21-month-olds reach.
I walked away from the papers for about a half a second, and that was all he needed. He ran up to my COMPLETELY FILLED OUT FORMS and yanked them off the table.
He flung them about the room, crumpling them into sad little balls, leaving me with the choice to either print all 50 pages again and fill them out a second time, in an attempt to appear as if I have my life together, or turn them in as is, because damn it, here I am world, and I don’t have the time or the energy to redo ANY of that.
After that fiasco, I packed lunch and snacks for my older boys and helped get everyone dressed for the day.
I went on to do the school run for the older two boys and took the little ones with me to run errands.
Side note–It is such a pleasure to shop with only two kids in tow. When I was a mom of two I didn’t know this. But now? Now, I KNOW THIS.
Taking four tiny humans to do any type of shopping is basically hell on earth, and it is something that I avoid AT ALL COSTS. Walmart Grocery Pickup is my BFF, and any shopping beyond that is short, sweet, and with only two kids, so help me God. Screaming fits from just two children while shopping is a real treat now when the alternative is tantrums from four.
It always makes me laugh when some well-meaning older man or woman looks at me with just TWO of my four while out and about and tells me, “Wow, you sure have your hands full!” and I calmly reply with a, “Yep, and the other two are at home!”
So, after running errands, I rushed home to put everything away from our shopping trip and attempted to put the littles down for a nap. The baby went down (success!), but the toddler stood in his crib and screamed “NO NAP” repeatedly for 20 minutes before I decided to abandon ship on the whole nap thing for him and hoped he would sleep in the car later when we picked the older boys up from school.
After making the rounds for school pick-ups, I got home and started prepping and making dinner. I put the baby in the swing and turned on the most annoying kid show ever in an attempt to zombie the toddler, thus making meal preparation an actual possibility. Whilst chopping and cooking, I yelled over and again to the 4-year-old and 6-year-old things like, “STOP FIGHTING!” “NO FARTING ON EACH OTHER!” “DON’T YOU DARE PEE ON HIM!”
Finally, dinner was ready and I probably broke up another two or three fights. I served everyone dinner while listening to whining and complaints about the meal (even though they claim to be starving all day and the second dinner arrives somehow they cannot eat a single bite).
After dinner, I coerced, threatened, begged, and pleaded for everyone to clean up their various messes-a-plenty throughout the house, and then finally, praise the JEEZ, it was bedtime.
Hopefully, for tomorrow though, there’s less poop.
So there you have it, a very condensed “day in the life” from yours truly.
What does your day look like with your kids? Let me know in the comments below. Life is crazy with our precious little dictators! Let’s commiserate!